last day at work

I cursed it a lot, I got mad at it so much, but in the end, it is something I will always remember. I talk of my first company, where I almost spent 3 years. Learnt a lot, and made friends. Though I am not being sentimental about it, I am unable to find a better word than nostalgic.
I left behind some friends and then there were those for whom I said "good riddance"

anyway, my good bye email went something like this:

I have been trying to capture the last 3 years in last 2 days… it’s not that easy.
You know how in the movies, someone has sudden flash backs about important events and then there is a realization? No, I am NOT having that. Though I am trying to.
What I have learnt in my first job is something I doubt I will ever forget. Maybe I might learn a few skills, but nothing to the magnitude of the learning in last 3 years. Being the first job, the first company, I didn’t have trouble getting familiar with everything new around, with tones of helpful people.
20th June 2008 onwards, I started learning how to work with diverse teams. When we were younger, in college or in school, we used to team up with friends for our project works. In your work life, things are a bit different. You work with people who know about the project or the assignment. You consult even people you may not like. But at the end of the day, you don’t worry about working with friends, but working with people just because they have a “skill set”. If during the process you make friends with them, Great, but either way, you work for getting the work done. That’s what I was lucky with. I worked with people I didn’t know. Met them because of their skill set, and over the duration, made friends. Not only that, I made friends with people who I commuted with. Made friends with people who I met through other friends and BLAH BLAH BLAH …But when I look back, I think I liked most of it.

And I don’t think I can forget the help I got from my team, the Patient handling team. Thanks , , and .

Though I bit adieu, I will make sure I keep in touch with friends from here, who I am sure I will cross path with soon. It’s a small world out there.

B-school old-age home?

I am writing on my blog after god knows how long (didn’t even feel like checking the date of my last post).
And well, I confess, my post today is totally inspired after reading this article that reminded me of something that I have been fearing for so long.( Link to the “INSPIRING” story: http://siddheshagashe.blogspot.com/2011/05/tragedy-of-being-25-in-indian-bschool.html)
Talking about my Life in a B-school? Huh? What? I barely could study and get through my engineering what am I gonna be doing in a B-school? And to top it off, I even hate reading the documents in my projects at the office, even the ones that are barely 3 pages long. What happens when i have t pull the all nighters like what the seniors have told us? Why the hell did I even bother to chase a CAT 3 scary times? Probably cause the technical line is not for me. And studying abroad is another story altogether. Hell I don’t even know what specialization I will be opting for when I go into the 2nd year of the college.
Did I get too comfy in my job? No, not really, cause I’m sure I worked hard to balance a decent performance at work and a not too bad performance with the felines (read CAT,XAT etc). but then, it’s a whole new and different world out there. 2AM being assignment submission deadlines, books, reading , journals reading, and on top of that, you gotta seriously think about your future. OH Man, im pretty much wetting my pants thinking of the life, in the b-school.
Destiny has a weird thing going on for me, and I guess for the matter pretty much every other person. Last season I had worked very hard. Used to get up at 3:30 or 4 in the morning, study for a few hours, occasionally go to the gym or for a round of jogging before I left for work where a a decent project awaited me at the office. With confidence filled attitude, I was pretty sure to at least get an IIM-K if nothing else, I didn’t even bother to apply to “PETTY” colleges like LBS or any of the Symbiosis and guess what? A dismal 93 %ile in CAT last year and a borderline 97%ile in XAT, I realized that the only call I have is from XIM-B. With a weird sense of depression and confusion, I went on my onsite trip to the USA keeping track of the waitlist movement everyday at XIM-B, and finally at the time of closure of the admission at XIM-B, I was at waitlist 3. I can truly say that Pagalguy made me Pagal. Then I told myself, “Dude, these stupid B-schools don’t deserve you”, and I mentally prepared to write GMAT, go abroad, and maybe look at a financially secure future probably in USA/Australia/Singapore or what not, but not India. I guess that was my anger speaking. I came back to India and talked to many people and finally thought of writing CAT for the 3rd and last time in my life. I was prepared to give it one last shot before I gear up for the main thing lying in front of me. The idea was to prove to myself that India B-schools are more like factories churning out robots. With competition oozing from every sweat drop, there is no scope of breathing; we would become robots in flesh.
So I joined a crash course at TIME, and started preparing giving a half heartedly effort ( compared to my previous season of hard work). I got percentiles in the range of 40 to 98 in the mock tests. So I told myself, “There is no shame in applying to decent places like LBS, Symbiosis, NIRMA this year. All I need to do is forget my arrogance that I was possessed by last year, and I will surely join some B-school this year. “ And the cycle of preparing started all over again. So I filled roughly 25-30 application forms to colleges that I had totally ignored last year, spend roughly a total of Rs 90,000 on my TIME classes, and B-school applications and another 25,000 on travel expenses to interviews to colleges that don’t bother to setup interview centers in other cities. All this because I was pretty sure that I would not get above 92% ile in any entrance exam that I write for any B-school.
As I mentioned, destiny has a funny thing going on for me. I surprisingly got decent percentiles in all my exams. Well I say decent cause I was not expecting as much in any of the exams, and with my percentiles, the only calls I didn’t get were from the older IIMs. So I was pretty happy for a few weeks, getting calls, going for interviews to almost all the colleges that I had applied. To top it off, I was among those who had 2.5+ years of work experience, so if any B-school had some marks for that, I would at least ace that section.
And then the results started pouring out. Each time, my breathing slowed down as I tried to open pages for results, I logged on each website, and each time I realized that I have a either cleared the interviews or have a waitlist close to clearing(except for MDI where I don’t know if the WL will get cleared).
I had resigned from my job since I had secured admission in B-schools such as XLRI(HRM), NITIE, and am waitlisted at MDI. I think all these are decent B-schools and hope that there will be a few more people who would be roughly as old as me. I will turn 25 this year, and by the time I am out of a b-school, I will be almost 27. My fellow blogger who inspired me to write this blog today is right on most counts. I consider myself Uncle even without someone giving me that nickname. regarding girls in B-schools, I could not gather courage or find someone interesting enough in the last 24 years of my life, “Ab kya teer maar loonga?”( what could I achieve in the next 2 years with grueling pressures to keep us busy?). Regarding the politics, I hope to at least learn a bit of it. Could not do it in my company, could not do it in during the under-graduation, and I really am praying that I finally get placed in a city with affordable cost of living or with a fat salary to support me in pocket burning cities like Mumbai. Shit, I already feel the heat from the burnt wallet.
I have not spent my 34 Months of working in IT, but in a very niche field of medical equipments engineering, so I can proudly say, “I AM DIFFERENT”. I am even willing to come back to the same company in a better role, in a capacity having more and better responsibilities, and yes, definitely with a better salary. I am hopefully parting on decent terms (well, with at least with most people).
The bottom line is, i dont know if i will fit in. In the crowd of the freshers and those who have lesser work ex than me.
Is there a chance for a better salary jump and a leap in the role within a company? God I really hope so. Otherwise the obsession with B-school with sleepless nights, with tensions comparable only to hostage negotiations and fear like that in a combat situation, all my work would have been for nothing.
So, with an extremely pessimist attitude, will walk into a B-school and prepare for the worst. Maybe if things turn out better, I can take solace in that fact that life may not really be as screwed as I feared. And if things turn out bad, I can tell myself, dude, life is screwed for everyone. Try to relax.

PS: apologies to anyone specially from Tier 2 B-schools. I am genuinely sorry if I offended your college.

after my first trip to america

For the first time in my life, I am feeling depressed and worried. Recently I went to the USA for a duration of about two months. My first overseas visit, changed my opinion about at least the USA. I was prejudiced that Americans are arrogant and a stupid bunch of people. I was prejudiced that as an Indian, I could face racial discrimination every other day in their country. But, I barely faced any trouble in the American state Michigan known to have among the highest crime rates. I was actually surprised the way a random stranger also greets you with a good morning or some other form of pleasantry, and though I agree that not all Americans try to help you in trouble, many do. One of the things that I loved about USA, was the way people respect rules, specially traffic rules. Driving in America is a pleasant experience, unlike in India. I think now I have a lot of respect for these Americans.

Earlier I used to take solace in the fact that in my county, I am not treated as a second grade citizen. But I was wrong. Last week I had a minor accident when someone hit my car from the rear, and the person who was driving rashly, started even threatening me with dire consequences. From my experience, police are of no help unless i give them a photograph of the criminal or unless the rash driver has a record of negligence driving or any other offense. Therefore it made no sense to follow up with the police. Am I a first grade citizen this country? Maybe if I have a lot of connections to powerful people or maybe if a I have a lot of money that I am willing to share a little with Police.

There was an article today in the Indian Express about a young man working with a Pharmaceutical company who got shot while trying to resist attempts of chain snatchers, in a crowded locality with many witnesses. Not surprisingly no bystander helped and the police made no arrests. It would be expecting too much from our police to even make headway into the investigation.

On page two of the same paper on the same day, Mr Y.S.Dadwal, our Chief of Police pointed out that even in developed nations, crime is high and in India the media always makes a mountain out of a molehill. Unfortunately, he did not mention that such crimes also get solved and settled in courts, unlike in our nation, where cases remain open for years and are contested in courts for sometimes decades.
Watching the news in USA or UK, he would realize that American media is more sensitive to such issues, and they do not just report news of such crimes. they follow up from every possible angle.

Kindly note that in areas like Chanakyapuri, where Mr Dadwal himself lives, and where high profiles people such as the daughter of our Prime Minster and other powerful bureaucrats live, there have been cases of kidnappings and rapes. This supposedly posh area adjoins markets like the Yashwant Place which are a haven for drug peddlers at night, or take for example the Sarojini Nagar market which is so contested that every festive season, there needs to be an alert issued against terror strikes.

Of course, in some aspects, Delhi police is a lot better than Gurgaon or NOIDA, where approaching the police means getting brushed off with abuses, but I would still want to ponder over the fact, that will we ever be a safe society where, crime is at a very low level if not completely eradicated?

If NCR is having crime go unchecked, I really wonder how it is in other states? Is it not worth migrating to a safer place, even of I may(or may not) be a first grade citizen? Atleast I wont get pushed around by the more powerful people.

ambassador

If I ask, which is the most recognizable car of the Indian roads. Some might say it is Maruti 800. The car that revolutionized the Indian market. But I am talking about something even before the 800 came into the market. The Hindustan Motors Ambassador. Believe it or not, majority of the general public hates this car, which has survived the evolving market for the last 5 decades. But not many know that this car awes a lot of people. The car still attracts a great appeal and devotion. And the car is so attractively priced, that it can fit the pocket of any average Indian who goes to the market to buy a car. But sadly it is not so. The sturdiest car that I have ever known, unfortunately does not score high on design and aesthetics. The Indian government is the only major buyer of this car. The car, which is associated with politicians and bureaucrats, holds an image of being sluggish, slow, and low on comfort and has also has the image of a taxi. It does not get the attention it deserves. The car, which now has an Isuzu 1.8 Liter engine, is very comfortable, something people do not realize. The newer models have very comfortable seating and a powerful air conditioner. Of course many other cars, which are slightly cheaper and quicker in terms of acceleration, are available in the market. These cars are also cheaper to drive, with lower maintenance and running costs, but one hit to these kinds of cars, and the mark is distinctively visible. While on the other hand, only a fool would dare to drive rashly around the beautiful Amby (as it is popularly called). The vintage look of the car allures many, and for the same reason, is despised. But then even a Crown Victoria has mixed responses. ( please don’t think that we can remotely compare a Crown Vic and an Ambi...both are in a different league altogether).
The rugged Ambi can handle any terrain. I have read and heard about people (politicians and in some cases some bureaucrats) ) who have given up their Honda Civics and Toyota Corollas to be driven around in an Amby. This is the charm that the car has.
This lovely car is a dream machine for many, but sadly the market is not so welcoming for this aging beast, which offers more value for money than any other car. The newer versions of the car have power steering, powered windows (I think only for the front though) and a load of other features that everyone will agree that are making it an attractive deal, if only the looks were better. The car has been having almost (ALMOST), the same looks since it's introduction in the year 1958(source: wiki) and most of the loyalists would prefer to retain the older look.
I for one would love to buy the new version( the Ambassador Grand). Considering the features it is offering. But a lot of people find the Ambassador Avigo) quite attractive.
A few months back I tried to drive an older version of the Amby. The car was very heavy and since it did not have a power steering, it did not respond well to people like me addicted to power steering.
At this point of time, I cannot afford a car, but if I could, well I would seriously consider the Amby as a second car(may be not for daily use, but for cruising along on my weekends).
To all those car enthusiast out there, tell me honestly if you feel otherwise, because I know, you most probably will agree with me on this. Because no matter what, I will always have my first love as the Amby.

Fear

i wonder why we fear
fear that is not justified
for cause that is not wrong
fear of rejection is so strong
fear of defeat is painful
that fear lurks all around

such feeling is so profound
when so much is evident
should we console ourselves
how do i take refuge?
why am i even feeling so down
what i had planned, what happened?

how can i move on? for i should
why does my mind wander over?
i have lots to think about
i have tonnes to do today
and still not much about
so many questions unanswered
how can i move on? for i should

what am i to feel
what am i to think?
i just realized a fact
one which pains so much
one that i cannot share
so confused have i been left

it's funny how life works
you have half of what you want
but more than what you deserve
life plays never fair
did you feel wronged?
welcome to the club!

the electronic machine called computer

Staring at this monitor, I feel like taking a hammer and slowly breaking down the keyboard, monitor and everything related to the computer into the smallest possible form, as close to their molecular form.

The crazy thing has actually driven us nuts. Sedentary life, and aching eyes is a daily routine. Is this what we get after studying for years? Gradually on the ladder to success as we are, this has become such an integral part of our lives that a day without checking your mails feels like eternity. Who knew we would be reduced to weaklings? The medium of my blog and my forum is also the medium for my misery. A computer is something without which I cannot live. It is something that I hate too. I cannot tell you how sick I am staring at the monitor. I cannot tell you how much I want to buy the latest PC on the market.

I am listening to Coldplay and this is probably the only thing stopping me from picking up my chair, swinging it across the desk. Who would have thought I would wanna break this stuff down so badly.

Some days when you are really thirsty, and you get to gulp down a glass of cool water, you feel as if you have attained nirvana. It is the feeling I might have when I turn my head away from the monitor. But I cannot afford to miss out a simple word of mine while typing this blog. Would it not be better that one could do all the work and still not hate this awesome machine.

I know that many people have written about this machine and on the same lines, but what the hell, I will still type out the whole text for those who care to read.

Today it has been a record 10 hours + that I have been staring at the monitor for the purpose of work. Though one day in college a few years back I had watched 7 movies in a single day. I think that day I may have been in front of the monitor for close to 15 hours. By the time I went to bed, my head hurt as if a rock fell on it, but who cares? I got something I can boast about. Right?

So now I wonder when I would get to go home. Sitting and waiting aimlessly in front of a monitor is something many of us do to kill time while waiting for someone or something to be done. Well that’s what is expected of us. You cant be roaming around your office. Our boss will keep that in mind once your appraisal is round the corner. But if you are at your computer terminal, then who cares if you work or not. They should feel that you work.

I know one thing, when I get back home, I will switch on the computer, watch a movie or download some song, probably chat with a friend. And then forget that a computer is making a mess of my life.

To all those who agree with me, cheers to nothing and cheers to everything that this machine helps us do.

Road Non-sense

Yesterday while attempting to cross a road, I realized that the cars which were waiting at the red light were revving up their engines even before the light turned green. I had not crossed the road when the desperate drivers started driving ahead as soon as the light had turned green. I was somewhere in the middle of the zebra crossing when a bike rider sped from in front of me. Another SUV whizzed past me from just behind me. The next thing I know, that even before I had reached the pavement, cars were rushing all around me. Luckily I was not run over, but I had cars running al around me. Why is the average Indian driver desperate to speed ahead? I don’t think all of them are running late for work, besides all this happened in the evening, so I guess majority of them were basically driving to home. So why are they always in such a hurry? I drive sometimes, but never with the desperate need to run over a pedestrian.

Another thing that I noticed is, in the last one week, I have witnessed at least one accident every day of the last one week. The accidents vary in intensity, degree of damage, location etc. but yes accidents everyday. I won’t be surprise d if the police brought out a report informing that the number of accidents is on the rise. Well if people are so desperate to rush to their destination, then the accidents are bound to happen.

I carpool with someone from work (well not exactly pool, but depend), anyway, today a reckless bike rider hit the car and rushed away. He didn’t even bother to stop. A few days back a minivan driver driving a commercial vehicle rammed a colleague’s car from the read. The impact was forceful enough to leave a huge dent in the rear of the car of that colleague. Both the car drivers got out of their cars to discuss, but the minivan driver rushed away the moment he got a chance. Of course he had to. He was driving a cab. The driver probably had no intention of sticking around till the police came. My colleague though complained to the police, but is not hopeful for any damage compensation from the cab company. Why should he? The way road accidents and road rage goes in India, the police have too much on their plate to even bother to look for reckless drivers who have only caused minor damages. The police might not bother unless there has been some death in the accident, or may be some hot shot politician/business man with links starts pulling strings. The police won’t bother unless the car is a luxury car and the car owner is adamant about getting the compensation.

The roads of India (even in the best of the cities) do not have proper zebra crossings, proper traffic signals. Forget the surveillance cameras that the Americans and Europeans have along their roads, our roads don’t even have proper directions. It is sad that even after over 60 years of independence and after having among the highest rates of development in the word (we stood next to china at close to 8.5%); we are still laid back, unconcerned about lives of others, at least on road, and will probably be know as the reckless Indians for along time.

Should I have learned the way of road life here? Should I have started driving recklessly like those who almost ran over me yesterday? Earlier I used to drive with good traffic sense, and used to be concerned about other people on the road. But I think I need not anymore.